One of the hardest things to explain is the loneliness, the isolation one can feel, even when surrounded by people.
We had a gathering recently, a lovely day, family, friends, fun, laughter, everything I thrive on. I am never happier than when I have a house full of people enjoying themselves and playing “mine host”, but towards the end of the day I just wanted to curl up and be left alone. I can’t really explain it and there is no reason for it that I can see, it can be a birthday, a party, even Christmas. The house can be busy, music playing, people chatting, drinks flowing. Yet I can be sat on the outside looking in, not really involved, disjointed even.
Surrounded by people yet not knowing what is going on. Not really focussing on anything in-particular. I have and do escape into another room, or take refuge in the bathroom. When things really get bad, the bathroom is the best place because you can wash your face to try and hide the tears. It’s ridiculous, how can you be in a room full of people you know, yet feel like you don’t belong?
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Mentally and Physically