Just finished a long day in the office and it was probably the best day I have had in some considerable time. I think what helped is that I am really busy and managed to spend most of the day concentrating on the job in hand with very little interference from others, but when there was I handled it really well.
In fact I would go as far as saying it was like the good old days. If every day was like this I would be a happy Nigel again.
Author: admin
Week 1
Not started on the exercise yet, although yesterday I did go and support a friend run her half marathon which ironically and wonderfully she was doing for the mental health charity MIND. She ran 13.1 miles and I walked about 4 getting from point to point to cheer her on and I bet I feel worse this morning than she does. My knee hurts (it was bound to I guess) but I was exhausted last night, my legs were stiff, my back ached. That is ridiculous I have to do something about this.
The one positive thing is I have gone an entire week without snacking which for me is a huge achievement. To go into a petrol station and not come out with a coffee and sausage roll is huge. Maybe just maybe I can crack it this time, with the help of my blog.
Here’s next week.
The Blog helps
It’s been a week since I decided to make this public, not that anyway will ever find it I am sure. Up to then it had just been a few sentences in a Word Document on my laptop.
I have to say I think it has helped, feeling like I have shared a few thoughts and difficult moments has helped me. Thinking about my entire situation in a way to be able to put things down in writing appears to be helping too. On the hole I have had a positive week.
There is a lot on Social media at the moment about Mental Health, a friend posted a great message he wanted people to copy and paste (I don’t do that) The Royal’s are trying to highlight it too. They are right and for society to flourish we need Mental Health to get out of the closet, but that is very easy for non effected people to say and bloody hard for those struggling.
Here we go again
For the umpteenth time I start a weight loss program!
Its not about following a diet, its about my diet! A permanent change to the way, when and what I eat. But just as importantly coupling this with exercise.
The weight loss industry gets fat on profit, pushing “fad” diets. I have lost weight before but always put it, and more, back on. Sustainable weight loss, is a permanent life style change. But I have said this a dozen times before
Can this be the time I crack it?
Panic!
Sat in the office, simple phone call to make. Total panic sets in! Hands shaking, short of breath. Dropped the phone, computer screen just a blur. Everything seemed to pulse in and out and I just couldn’t think straight.
Nothing has really gone well for a couple of days, trouble with my desktop computer and my laptop. These things should just work and be computers! Conversations with staff have been jumbled, either I am not explaining myself properly or they are idiots!
Funnily enough this morning I was actually quite proud of my self thinking, despite the sheer volume of work building up I am actually coping quite well. Then this, boom!
Have sat back and tried to control my breathing and reached for my blog. Hands are still shaking a bit but I am a little calmer. I can hear the noises from the kitchen down stairs, the clicking of China, the radio playing, nothing really but right now I just want it to stop.
I just want the world to leave me alone so I can curl up in silence.
It would be so easy to go downstairs and a have a beer or 7, but I won’t, I can’t and I mustn’t
A small win feels huge
Just had to mention this, I filled up with petrol this afternoon and walked out the shop without a 200 calories coffee, or a sausage roll, cheese and bacon turnover, or assorted sandwiches or chocolate! Actually calorie consumption has been pretty good all day, not perfect, but given this morning it could have been so much worse.
So lets tick off a small win today and look forward to the next one.
Routine Hospital Appointment
This morning I had a routine, 3 monthly, check up. Nothing untoward. Arrived a bit later than I wanted which is never good but the matter was compounded by a queue for the car park. Immeadiately the fog descended. I spun round back into the road, desperate to find a space on the road. This took much longer than needed and all the time the heart rate was increasing, the breathing getting heavier. I finally parked actually not far away, paid at the meter. £1 for 2 hours, good value. Now to find my way round to the entrance! How do I do this? I took a path I saw others coming out of but it just seemed to loop round on it’s self, by now my head was spinning, short of breath and I just fell apart. I just wanted to bolt and get out of there!
Fortunately a nurse past by and asked if I was ok as I looked lost. She then noticed it was more than that and stayed and helped me calm down. Always a sucker for a nurses uniform me. Between us we pulled it together, she took me round to the entrance and the rest of the appointment went well.
In general I currently feel so much better but then thing like this come out of nowhere!