I’ve never slept well, even as a child I would lay awake, usually on a Sunday night, thinking about all the things that needed doing during the coming days. But over the past few years it has become a daily battle. Firstly my already irregular sleep pattern has been turned upside down. Much of the time falling asleep at night seemed impossible. Assuming I even felt tired, once in bed I would find it impossible to settle, often getting up and going downstairs. On the worst nights I would not get back to bed until after 2am. My mind would be full of panic at the things I had to do and even worse the things that should have been done but I had not completed. These unresolved issues would on the hole be really simple basic tasks. As easy as making a phone call, or filling in a form. Completing a VAT return, or updating a college. Once I filed to do something it became a major problem. I would lay awake worrying myself about having not one it. Oh would I deal with it now, or explain why it hadn’t been done. My head would spin, with panic and confusion.
A perfect example was an occasion when my father-in-law had asked me to call hi the following morning between 10am and 11am. Nearly he wanted to speak to me privately about something and i assumed he did’t want his wife to overhear. It was around her birthday so that seemed a sensible reason. Well the following day I didn’t make the call. For once not because I couldn’t bring myself to, but because I was in a meeting at work. By the time the meeting ended it was past midday, far too late to call. That evening I lay awake probably all night worrying about it, only drifting in and out of sleep for a few minutes at a time. The following day I simply could not pick the phone up, supposing my mother-in-law answered the phone, even if she didn’t what would I say to explain why I hadn’t managed to call yesterday. Day 2 went by, no phone call, so did day 3. On day 4 I was working from home first thing and as my wife was getting ready to go out she said that her Father would like me to call. With that she went out and so I grabbed the bull by the horns and made the call. He answered, thanked me, did n’t ask or give me a chance to apologise or explain why I had not called earlier in the week, we discussed what he wanted which took about 5 minutes and the call ended. It couldn’t have been easier, but it took me 4 days.
It can feel like it’s hard to breathe and your heart might be racing even though you’re just sitting at your desk